I love it when it all clicks together.
So often in life, it's not what you say, but how you say it.
I have always had faith. I have always believed that my Heavenly Father knows all that we go through and takes all that we experience and helps us grow from that experience. I've never doubted that. I fact, at times I have had pure faith that all will be well.
I've never considered myself to be lead by fear. Of course, at times, we are all overcome by it. But it has never been a dominating feature in my life.
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength."
--Unknown
But, perhaps I'm mistaken. I do worry a lot. Much more than I should. And if I'm honest with myself, that's just my form of fear. Whether it's fear, worry, doubt, or anything akin to these, it's just fear, in the end. So I must face the fact that I am too ruled by fear.
So, if I worry, i.e. fear, then I'm not exercising faith. That can be tough. I've got a whole list of rationalizations that should cover that...but at the end of the day, it's just that I don't want to admit to the fear.
"Consider
the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say
unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of
these.
If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?"
Faith and fear cannot occupy the same space any more than light and dark can. Amy and I have talked about this a lot. Fortunately, one of us is usually in the light while the other struggles in dark. So one is always close enough to the light to help the other back. She's really wonderful that way!
Well, she did it again. She had a really tough day yesterday for a lot of reasons, no one of which would have affected her enough to bring her down, but together they could. So as we made our way through the day, trying to hold on and wait for the light, it came. First a little glimmer, then it filled our hearts. It was quite an experience.
I had been concerned about her while I was at work. Yet, when I got home she seemed normal. Like it had all gone away. As we went through our night (grocery shopping together) she shared with me what had happened.
She had stumbled onto a sentence/statement/quote that had cast a different light on the whole subject.
"If you despair, you turn your back on God."
Wow! That hit us both very hard. It changed the way she looked at her day and her life at present. It has changed me and my approach to my life. In my mind I saw that if we despair, we lose hope. To lose hope is to ignore the source of all hope: God, Our Father. Suddenly I saw what I have hear all my life in a new way. It was more clear, more distinct, and more real. I still struggle to do it. But I'm working on that and it suddenly seems more possible!
I love the way I can rely on my wife for support. I love how I can depend on her to find things to help us. I love how she's always trying to learn more, to find new things to help us, to get better and better. She wants so desperately to be a good wife and mother. Yet she is so determined that at times she does not know and cannot tell just how great she has been, is, and will always be.
That's why I'm here, right now. I want to tell her how wonderful I think she is. I want everyone one to know just how in awe I am of this wonderful woman. I want her to hear from me, just how sweet a wife she is, how great a mother she is, and what a special daughter of Our Heavenly Father she is!
She is all that and so very much more.
I Always Love My Wife.
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